Thoughts on feeling confused

Hey!
GUESS WHAT MY BLOG IS ALMOST ONE YEAR OLD AND IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS SINCE MY LAST POST YEY?
I can explain.
So there's this thing called school and it has been taking up all of my life for the past months. And there's this thing called Teen Wolf, that has got me hooked up like good cocaine and it pretty much destroyed my whole existence. And there's this band called twenty one pilots, and right now they're the only band I've listened to for the past three weeks. And there's this thing called MY FUCKING BRAIN THAT WON'T STOP WORKING AND WORRING IF I'M LOOSING JAMES AND IF I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND I'M JUST TOO ANNOYING AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND IT ALSO HAS GOT ME CRUSHING ON EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BOY THAT IS REMOTELY NICE TO ME, AND EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT NICE, IT'S FINE, I DON'T CARE, I'LL JUST CRUSH ON THEM AND WHISH THEY WERE KISSING MY LIPS.
Like, right now, my hormones are jumping up and down. They have been doing this for the past five hours. All of this because I spent a fucking hour near some friends and a really nice looking guy and I really really wanted to jump on him. What is happening to me? I think this is why James has been ignoring me and I can't make friends and aufdhjed.
But on the other hand, I finally found something that actually caught my attention and made me really addicted like it used to. Teen Wolf is so great and amazing but can we just talk about (season 3 spoilers) the fact that Allison fucking dies and Isaac just leaves?! They were my favourite characters and now they're both gone. Scott was supposed to end up with Allison, they were meant to be. But I guess that at the same time, this show is pretty realistic because these things just happen in really life. Not the part where your ex-girlfriend slash love of your life gets killed by an oni. But you get me.
You remember when I used to get so excited because there was a green little dot right next to James name on facebook, because it meant he was online and therefore, going to talk to me? Now it only makes my heart ache and I hate myself for that. I hate the fact that there's no more Steam message sound or Facebook messages. Now he has his class and his friends and I guess I'm just kinda jealous. He was always there and now he's not and he's talking to other people and it seems like he just forgot about me and Maia, my best friend. It feels like we were left out. I was left out. We were the fantastic trio, me, James and Maia. Now they have their own classes, their own friends. And what am I doing? Watching fucking Teen Wolf until two am and crushing on everyone and fangirling way too loud on the school halls and scaring every single fucking person way with my shy slash way too loud personality and with my crazy mood swings.
I swear, last year, I was so much happier and so much lightweighted. I didn't realized I was going to leave behind some of my greatest friendships I've ever made and that I was going to just jump into a whole new class. No one really knows me, and I haven't really 'clicked' with anyone like I clicked with James, Maia, Ian, and the rest of my class. I'm still holding on to them, even though this year is two days away from ending. And I don't know. I don't know how I feel anymore, and don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to feel. How the hell am I supposed to act so people will enjoy being around me? So that there's someone who will enjoy having my presence and I will enjoy it back?
 I guess the problem here is the fact that I don't enjoy other's prensence, I can't like people and I have no fucking clue on how to properly speak to them without looking like a fucking freak. I want to make great friendships, and learn everything and have good grades and fall in love and all of that, but how the fuck am I supposed to do that if I can't support humans? I don't understand anything at all, and right now, it's too late too even try.
Maybe tomorrow when I wake up I'll understand it a little bit better.
Song of the day: Astronaut, by Simple Plan And Polarize, by twenty one pilots. (srlsy, the whole 'blurryface' album is just great)
 Peace out dragons,
Lorac xx