I'm trapped.
Okay. Let me rephrase that.
I feel trapped.
I feel trapped inside the walls of my bedroom. My small, cozy, overfilled bedroom, filled with memories and tears and laughter. And a whole lot of sadness.
I barely get out of the house, so when I do, it's usually pretty epic. So when I went to this summer university thing for a week, things were beyond epic. And that's saying something.
We all know that when I talk about something or someone on the blog, it means that 'that' was really a really big thing. And this summer university was probably one of the biggest and greatest choices I've done until now. And one of the best.
This past week, from the 19th to the 24th was the fastest and most tiring and emotional week I've had. It was the most alive I felt. I didn't feel happy all the time. Hell no! I felt so frustrated and sad and down for some unknown reason. And you know what? That's totally okay. It added to the experience.
I met so many great and wonderfull people, friends that I have no idea if they'll be for life, but that I would adore if they would be in my life for a little longer. I learned so much. I made my own android game! Sure it was full of bugs and easily cheatable, but I MADE THAT! From scratch, on my own. Obviously with a help of the teachers, and three friends. But still. It's a playable thing on an android phone. Not on mine though. It doesn't work on mine.
But I didn't just learn the technical stuff about computers and stuff. I also learned a lot about my city and myself and life? I don't know. We had a judo lesson on wednesday and there's one thing the instructor said that's stuck in my mind since then. "In judo, you need to learn how to fall. How to fall the right way, so that you can get up right away, to keep fighting." Okay, I already kind of knew that, I had judo lessons for four years when I was yonger, so no big deal. But then he said something else that went something along these lines "It's just like in life, you can't spend too much time being broken, you need to keep living the right way, you need to get up right away.".
These were probably not the right words, but the idea is there and the idea is now sort of my moto.
That's why I think I'm handling this so 'well'. And I say well with quotation marks because I'm on the verge of tears all the time because I miss that so much. I miss not being trapped in my house. I miss being able to go outside and explore and be with new and amazing people.
I've discovered that I actaully love meeting new people, and going out, and making friends, and talking.
I've discovered that I can be whoever the fuck I want, that I have the potential. I can become an actress, a CEO, a member of a band, the greastest student ever, or even be rich. I just have to work on it. Not be lazy. I promised myself that I'm gonna start and work more on learning more songs on the guitar. That I'm gonna try and work more on the development part. I'm goint to learn more about coding languages and phones and computers and all that fun stuff. I'm going to get my ass of Twitter and Instagram and use my internet for more intelegent stuff.
Basically doing the stuff my dad has been telling me for the past few years wow.
Obviously I'm going to keep watching Game Of Thrones and Teen Wolf and other shows and movies that I want to watch. And obviously I'm going to keep going on twitter and reading dumb shit and posting stupid selfies on instagram. But I'm not going to be doing just that. I've got the little push I needed to start working on the things I've wanted to start working on for so long, now I just need to keep going.
But most of all, I think that the thing that is going to stick with me the most, beside all of the learning and exercise and not so many sleep hours, is going to be the people.
I'm so happy for the fact that I chose computer engeneering instead of any other course, because I got to meet the amazing (don't tell them i said this tho shhh) nerdy human beings I met. Those are my favorite kind. We spent a lot of time having nerd talks (mostly with me just listening because I don't get any of that stuff yet) and musical moments, followed by a lot of awkward silences. But that was okay because seconds later we were already goofing around and overall having a really great time. For someone who didn't think would fit in, I think I did a really good job. Sure, I said some stupid shit and I did argue a lot with my good friend that went with me, but I argue with Hanna all the time, so it's fine. I still like him to death. And yes, I was annoying as hell. But that's me, deal with it.
So I think that for now I'll try and do more stuff and be more active and live more.
I know I'll have the memories of a really good week and I found some nice people that I think I can call my friends. I learned to love my city and where I came from. I learned to love me a little bit more. And I learned to love getting out of my small bedroom.
So yeah. I guess I'll se ya later alligator.
Song of the post: Help!, by The Beatles. (there's a story behind this song. basically i say 'HALP' a lot of times during the day, and during this week was no exception. so there's this guy, let's call him axel, and he sang a song related to whatever word we said. so he sang 'help, i need somebody, help...' everytime i screamed for halp. so, he sang that on the last day, when we were getting out of the closing ceremony and going into our parents cars, when i said halp, and the song has been on my head ever since, so i guess it's kind of like, the whole theme of the week. also, the song has some really nice lyrics slash message i guess)
