So, I'm finally writing the blog post I've been dreading to write. So much shit has happened since march. Since Dublin.
First things first (not that this is really that important, and I'm in a really good mood today, so this isn't affecting me as much as on other days) John broke up with me. More than a month ago actually. I went through stages whilst trying to deal with this situation.
The first was denial. I had broken up with him because of the same reasons in november last year, but I went back to him again when I realized it was a mistake. So I thought that, maybe he would realize how much he misses me. He didn't. I went through the stage of trying to talk to him all the time because he was still my friend (lol) and because I still wasn't over him. I cried a lot during that phase. Then we had the finding out the truth stage. lol. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. So, the reason why my dearest ex-boyfriend broke up with me was because he liked someone else. Whilst we were dating. He didn't cheat on me, and at least he had a the decency of breaking up with me when he stopped having feelings for me. The girl he's with now is from our class as well, and she's my friend. I don't hate her, and I don't want to hate him. She's a good girl and he obviously didn't do this on purpose. But hating him is the easiest way to deal with this whole situation. I was obviously the last one in the whole class to know they were dating right after he broke up with me, and if I hadn't noticed and commented with a friend how close they were, nobody would've told me, and that's what pisses me of the most. That they all made a fool out of me, and I made a fool out of myself as well. Literally everyone knew, and not even one of my friends had the decency to talk to me about it. To tell me anything. On the other side, if I was my friends, I probably wouldn't told me either because I wouldn't want to hurt me and it wasn't my business anyways. Still. I'm ashamed of myself and I hate it. So now I kinda don't want to be near him, or talk to him, It hurts, and I feel humiliated. I don't want him back. I'm so okay alone. I'm so much better alone. Don't get me wrong, I loved this past six months that I was with him. But I'm also loving the single life and not having to like anyone and not having to dedicate my life and time and feelings to someone. It's great. I'm so fine. I like being alone in my room on my computer.
Second big change(s). We moved out of the apartment in the middle of nowhere and now we live in a really old house that has a backyard and an attic with five rooms, and two of them belong to me. I never thought I would be able to say "I live in an attic" but I can now and it's fucking great. I mean, if we ignore the fact that there's always only a few centimeters between my head and the ceiling and that i can't jump or dance because my parents hear me downstairs and my book shelves almost fall to the floor. Having stairs in the middle of the house is weird man.
BUT my internet connection in my bedroom is stronger now, so that makes up for everything.
Third, and probably the most important thing. I've become kpop trash. There. I said it. I listen to kpop now, and I couldn't care less. My good friend Finn introduced me to BTS and now I'm hooked up. Not only on BTS. Some of my favorites include bts, exo, got7, WINNER (goddamnit they're so good like what the fuck), the MADE series by bigbang, AKMU (they're also so good HOOOOW), Sam Kim (he's so underrated, how and why, he has the voice of an angel), mamamoo (stan real talent, stan mamamoo. honestly tho), jonghyun (I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I don't listen to shinee much because I'm too lazy (except View, View is a good song) but Jonghyun has captured my heart holy shit) and day6 (holy fucking shit they're amazing as well). I listen to a lot of singles and new music and stuff, but these artists holy shit they're good. A lot of my friends judge me because "hOW CAN YOU LISTEN TO MUSIC YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND?!?!1!" but music is about the feelings and how it feels. Also, this legit happened. Baby Baby, by winner is such a good song, and I love it so much. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy and somehow conforted. The other day I was watching the mv making video of that song and they explined the meaning of the song. THE LYRICS AND THE MUSIC ARE SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL CONFORTED AND IT'S ABOUT HOW THEY HATE BEING ALONE AND LONGING FOR LOVE AND THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT MADE ME FEEL man music is amazing. There's so much good music out there and people still judge because IT'S NO IN ENGLISH. u g h. I showed "Dress up" by Jonghyun to a friend and she said she liked it and she could listen to it, but it's still weird listening to a language you don't understand. It just takes a while to get used to, and it's understandable, but some songs are so great and it's worth the effort. Really. I also learned how to read hangul, and I'm on my way to learning korean, so all is good (it's a really slow way though) (also, I'm learning korean because I've wanted to learn a language with non-latin characters for a long time, and I wanted to learn japanese, but then kpop and kdramas (!!) came and I just started. I'm doing this because I do want to understand the musics but also because I want to learn a new language and there's nothing wrong with that)
Also kdramas. Oh god. I've watched a bunch of them and a couple of webdramas and some are very cringy, but there's so many good ones. I'm almost at the end of to the beautiful you, and holy shit I can't finish it because of how not good it is. eeeww. I want to write a post about kdramas, so maybe one day.
Maybe this shoudl stop being lorac's anime adventures and start being lorac's drama adventures. Because of the dramas I watch, and because my life could be a drama ah ah not really.
I had my first exam yesterday and it went better than expected. I had been preparing a lot for it sooo yeah. I still have my geometry exam in nine days but that's easier than physics and chemistry, so I'm not too worried. I've been able to deal with stress a lot easier lately. Thumbs up for me.
I also go to the gym now.
I'm going to 12th grade in september. I have to chose what classes I want to take. And also I'll probably go to a new class. Fun times.
Song of the day: I have a couple. "Heaven" by EXO (their new album is so good what the fuck) "Jaywalking" from the OST of Shut Up Flower Boyband (that drama tho) "Letting go" by Day6 (one of my all time favorite songs tbh) "If You" by BIGBANG and "I'm Young" by WINNER are soooo good. There are a lot that I love actually. This is hard. Just listen to them, they're great.
See ya later alligator,
Lorac xx
