School (nar)

Hey!

So… School huh? And Free!? I have two episodes to catch up to, but my internet is shit right now, that’s why you’re reading a post I wrote on Friday on Sunday or Saturday or whatever. But there was a storm and lightning and that ruined my internet connection because I connect to a hotspot and blah blah blah.

So, going back to the topic of school. The first week of school finished today and to say that I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, is saying very little. I could die right now. My shoulders are killing me because of the weight of all the books in my backpack and my Maths and my Portuguese (shocker, I’m from Portugal :O now you know, big deal) books still haven’t arrived yet. And I need them. Anyways. I study everyday now, I go through everything I wrote in class and all that so I don't leave everything to study on the weekend right before the day of the test. My schedule is kinda weird now. I have 50 minutes blocks of classes, and when there’s always a break between each block. So I can go and eat in the middle of Math class. Amazing!

And now we’ll get to the real shit. The classmates. We’re a total of 31, 3 more people than what the law says. We are the biggest class in the school. We’re eight girls and 23 boys. Most of them are really nice, but I’m weird, so I’m not the nicest person. They say I’m mean. And I’m totally aware that they’re just joking. But that makes me think that maybe I should just be… quiet. Don’t say a word. Just shut up. I listen a lot more than last year, I’m a lot more quieter than I was before. Simply because I know that if I say something, I’ll make a fool of myself.

And I want to be different. I don’t want to be like all of those girls you see around in the corridors wearing short shirts and skinny leggings and high heels and leather purses and their books in their hands. I wear a stupid blue and white squared backpack, full of useless stuff. I wear sweatshirts most of the time. I wear the baggiest shirts. I have a lot more black stuff than before. I listen to All Time Low and Panic! At The Disco but I don’t listen to Pierce The Veil or Black Veil Brides because I’m way too lazy to do that. I take months to watch a 25-episodes anime because I procrastinate and watch YouTube videos instead. I read a lot. I’m not a gamer, I don’t listen to screamo and punk music. I’m not mean. I just don’t like people. I don’t like being under people’s judgment. So I become this tough girl who pretends that she’s a gamer and a rebel who wants to go against the law. I’m not. I just want to stay at home and cry over the fact that Gwen Stacy is dead and Peter won’t have the love of his life anymore. I suck at badminton, but a lot of people think that I’m good because I’ve had five years of experience. Guess what? I suck at it because I’m way too lazy. My legs are way too large and my stomach is as flaccid as raw meat, which is gross.

But I want people to see me like I’m this tough girl who does all of these cool stuff. But I’m not. I really want to play games, but I won’t have time to do that. I wish I could listen to Black Veil Brides without cringing a little, but I do. I’m not up to the standards I have for me and it makes me frustrated because I feel like I don’t want to be myself because I’m afraid people won’t accept me. They will like the other girl better because she plays League Of Legends or because she listens to that type of music that nobody knows about. They won’t like me. I try to be funny but I fail miserably and end up making other people believe that I feel sorry for myself. I don’t. I couldn’t care less if they call me mean. Because I am mean. I make those sassy sarcastic remarks, I offend everyone, I am way too loud, I love anime more than gaming and I spend 90% of my computer time on YouTube. I make puns and I get a lot of crushes. I read way too many books, I am intelligent. Fucking hell, I love Maths and I weird myself out because my brain keeps thinking and thinking and it never stops and I get scared because I just need rest. And in the end I really like that class. They are nice to me. I’m not nice to them, but everyone has their own personalities. There’s this really cute and tall guy who seems to always be scared and really shy but when he opens up he’s awesome. And there’s this really short guy who loves YouTube almost as much as me and he even says the same PewDiePie references as me. And there’s these girls who are really intelligent. And everyone participates so much in class that I’m afraid that’ll I stay behind because I don’t participate because I’m afraid I’ll make a fool of myself if I get it wrong. But fuck, they do it, they get the answers wrong and I don’t think they’re losers, why would they think that of me?! And there’s a lot of not lazy guys, which is new. And they always smile if me or anyone else from the rest of the class pass by them. And we now have a facebook group, which is the shittiest but awesomest thing ever because we talk through that and make fun of each other and we talk on skype and it’s fun. And they are SO different from my old class, and I miss my old class so much. But at the same time I’m so glad I’m in this class, alone. We don’t have the stupid rumors we had in my old class. Because we’re so little girls, there’s always a boy around, and that’s different from before because we were separated in girls and me and Maia and the boys. And I like that we don’t have little groups, we are all one big united group.

In one class we had to make a little presentation of ourselves, and the teacher said to one of the guys “So, you already know one or two friends here” and he answered “I had one or two friends, but now I have thirty more” and we all ‘awed’ collectively and it was so cute. And we have our own private jokes and they make me forget all the shit about home, and about everything else.

I don’t have to be anyone else for these people to accept me, they already have within one week of me being the meanest person ever to them. Sure yeah, they call me mean, and I call them idiots. We all dislike our philosophy teacher so, we’re in this together. I have fun with them, I like them. They’re different in a good way, and I like that.

So, I’m sorry that was a little big. And not anime related, again. Get used to it!

Song of the day: Warriors, by Imagine Dragons. GUYES CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW AMAZING THIS SONG IS?! It was made for the League Of Legends World Championship, which begun Thursday I think? I don’t know, anyways, the lyrics are so argh, and I’m not even a gamer and I kinda feel the song? Maybe because I always wanted to make a videogame? I don’t know. But the song is really powerful and amazing, and you can download it for free on the LoL website FOR FREE or you can be a piece of shit and go on iTunes and pay 1,79$ for it. Your choice. But it’s my new favorite song so… yeah. Go listen to it right now!

Peace out dudes,

Lorac xx

Quick reminder

I'M GOU! I'M SO LIKE GOU WHEN I WATCH FREE! BECAUSE ALL THE MUSCLES AND OMFA.
that's all. baii

Code Geass: The end/ Free!: The Begining

Hey!
I have good news. I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED WATCHING CODE GEASS! AND OH MY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL ANGEL THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND HORRIBLE AND AMAZEBALLS THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! THE LAST EPISODE OH MY ANGEL.
Okay, so it's better if I start somewhere. That somewhere being the last episode because ASDFGHJK
Anyways.
Lelouch dies. That's what it took to finish the war and to make everyone happy. And Suzaki is now the new Zero. That's weird. But, I think that Lelouch was supposed to die from the begining. You can't just take away all of people's wills and get away with it. That's wrong. But the fact that he choose to die was really brave. And when he lied to all of those people and got that much hatred just for that in the end it would be easier to eliminate all of that hatred. Clap, clap Mr. Lelouch, that was incredible. But when Lelouch fall down that car thingy on the scene where he dies, Nunally screams broke my heart. That part was so touching because in the middle of all of that happiness that Lelouch, the 'bad' guy, was finally gone, there was one person who knew the whole story and who suffered, and that show us that you can never make everyone happy. But I think that the fact that Nunally was unhappy was worth the rest of the world.
AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT OGHI AND THE OTHER GIRL'S MARRIAGE AND THAT SHE'S PREGNANT OH MY ANGEL SADFGFHGFDS THE FEELS!
And how happy C.C. was in the end. And Kallen. Oh my, Kallen.
And Suzaki. He did a lot of stuff wrong, and most of the time in the anime he was in the wrong side of the battle. But what he did was with the best of intentions and I believe that the burden that he carries now (of being Zero) is enough to make him pay.

So this was only half of the post. I'm writing this right after I finished watching Code Geass. The other half that is bellow will be about my thoughts on Free!, which I'm about to watch so, see ya later!

Hey!
It's actually two days later after I wrote the things above. Why did it took me so long? Because I was watching Free! That's right. AND I FUCKING FINISHED THE FIRST SEASON IN TWO FUCKING DAYS AND OMFA THAT WAS WAY TOO CHEESY AND EMOTIONAL AND BEAUTIFUL AND FREE FOR ME!!!
First of all, there's a guy named Rin, that makes me like the anime even more. Seconds, he has pointy teeth! What's with the anime characters named Rin and having pointy teeth?! Anyways.
Third, THERE WERE A LOT OF TOPLESS WET STRONG DUMB GUYS WITHOUT NIPPLES! I don't understand. Don't Japanese people have nipples? I don't know.
Let's talk about Haru, shall we? He's the most adorable and weird and silent and mature guy I've ever seen. He doesn't smile but I like to think like Nigasa, Haru is always smiling on the inside. And asdfghnvfds I can't talk about him anymore, it's too much. I still prefer Rin Okumura though, he has a cute sense of humor, nothing beats that.
And then there's Makoto. HE'S THE BESTEST FRIEND ANYONE COULD HAVE ASKED FOR AND HE'S SO CARING AND ADORABLE AND MUSCLE AND ASDFGB WHERE CAN I BUY A MAKOTO?!
And Nigasa is just the kid, and he's adorable.
And Rei. I feel kinda bad for him because he didn't get to swim with the other guys on the relay, but what he did was really sweet and nice, and he's so amazing because he keeps thinking that things are beautiful and you don't see a guy talk like that frequently, so seeing that was hilarious.
Also, was I the only one who noticed that these guys have the weirdest hair/eye colors? Like oh my angel, Rei has blue-ish hair and purple eyes and Makoto has green-ish hair and green eyes and Haru has the most beautiful shade of blue in his eyes, it's so beautiful. And Rin has red eyes and red hair and Nigasa has red eyes and light brown hair and the hair and the eyes kinda match and that's so cool but at the same time weird. People in animes have the weirdest eye/hair colors. That's so amazing.
AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT RIN IS JUST A SWEETHEART WHO NEEDED A FRIEND AND NOW EVERYTHING IS OKAY AND AWESOME AND ASDFGHJ RIN IS THE MOST CARING AND ADORABLE PERSON ON THE INSIDE OKAY?!

So, it's kinda obvious that I loved Free! isn't it? I'm now going to watch Free!: Eternal Summer, so, maybe I'll post something about that.

By the way, my school starts in a week, can you hear my tears? No, but probably the updates will be in less quantity but hopefully the quality will be the same. Talking about my anime schedule, I won't probably watch that much. Guess summer wasn't enough to watch all of those animes that I wanted to watch, huh? But after Free! I really want to check out what's "Adventure Time" (I'm totally aware that it's not an anime) because I keep hearing youtubers talking about that and the characters are kinda cute so, I wanna check out that. Also, I want to try and finish the first season of Doctor Who before I go to school. That shit only has 15 episodes so, I think I'm going to be okay. And if I still end up without anything to watch, I have my list :D

Anyways, I think that's it. I don't think I ever thanked you for reading this? I didn't? Oh, there's no one there? Okay then. But thanks shadows, for reading this. This blog has helped me out a lot. So yeah.

Song of the day: Fireworks, by You Me At Six. I love them. And I love shouting I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! every time I see someone I know :P just like Jack And Dean did in one of their videos ahah

I'm so happy.
I'm sad, school is starting in a week. In two days I will meet my new classmates. I still have no fucking clue of what I'm going to wear. oops (yeah, that's a big deal for me, I like to have things planned out before-hand okay? okay.)

Peace out dudes!
Lorac xx

#I'mNotSoHappyButI'lBeOkay (nar)

That's what I should've written on my wrist.
Hey!
So the last two posts I made, I mentioned something called #I'mHappy challenge. Well, I realized this morning that it was stupid.
This morning I had a little 'breakdown'. I had sort of a fight with my mum, and then I started crying for 'no reason' and all those thoughts I've been trying to avoid for a week floated back into my mind like something that I can't think of right now that is like thoughts floating into my mind. My point is, this challenge was based on another challenge. But the #CutCake thing is more physical than psychological, it was based on stop doing something that you could control, your hands grabbing a blade and cutting your skin. But when it comes to your mind, there's always that little something you can't control. Add that little something to the fact that I'm on my period, and you have the reason behind my breakdown.
But there's another thing. What if I could have gone through the week and got my microwave cake in a mug. And then what? What would happen after that week? Would I be happy? Would I stop being... what I am now? (which is not depressed because I like to believe that I am better than I was a few months ago) I don't think so. You can't cure a mind in seven days. That's too little time to fix something broken for a whole life (which is 15 years for me).
Maybe my mind won't ever get fixed. Maybe I'll always have this broken side of me. Maybe I'll have to learn to live with it. And it's okay to have a broken side. It's okay to be sad and to cry cuddling to your teddy bear and sobbing like a mad dog for hours. And then falling asleep and having the weirdest dreams ever, which include crying to your death in one of them and a bad first day of school. Which totally isn't what hapenned to me this morning.
To be honest, I'm quite scared of this dark, broken side of me. Of the thoughts that it brings to my head. But I'm actually quite glad that I have it. It makes me more... Normal, I think? I don't know. I can't always be happy and bubbly, even though it's what I am (or try to be) 95% of the time. Just bear with me and my weird broken sad side for the other 5% okay? I will bear with yours. (I KNOW THERE'S NO ONE THERE OKAY I JUST LIKE TO PRETEND THERE IS DON'T JUDGE ME A GIRL CAN HAVE HER FANTASIES THAT TOTALLY DON'T SHOW HER NEED FOR LOVE-okay this went too far)

Well, I guess that's it.

Song of the day: This Is Me, by the one and only Charlie McDonnell (aka charlieissocoollike on youtube, i love him okay?) I wrote this blog post (only half of it though lol) listening to this song.

I've noticed that I put a shit load of youtubers music in song of the day and that I mention a lot of youtubers in this blog. Oh well, who cares?

Peace out dudes!
Lorac xx

Randomness (NAR)

Hey!
It doesn't seem like a month and something has passed since I wrote 'regularly' on my blog doesn't it? At least not for me. It kinda of seems like routine now. It's weird.
I haven't finished Code Geass yet. I'm sorry. But, in my defense, I've been busy with making my notebooks for back to school! I'm excited. I've finished my planner and my notebooks and all that shit. So I think I'm ready for back to school.
I've spent the whole day watching 'Becoming Youtube' by Benjamin Cook/ninebrassmonkeys on youtube. That shit is making me want to start a Youtube channel more than anything. Me and Maia are planning on doing that. It's gonna be fucking awesome!
About the #I'mHappy challenge. I have '#I'm' written on my wrist. Today I still don't know if I'll write the H and here's the reason why. I didn't feel exactly sad, or depressed. But I wasn't my bubbly self. (I don't think I'm that anymore to be honest, at least not when I'm on holiday :P). I was happy though, happier than I was a month ago. But not as happy as yesterday. But I think I'll write the H anyways. Because I wasn't THAT sad and not wanting to do anything. And I do want to do everything! Fuck me if I'm wrong (I've been using that expression a lot recently, not very apropriate since I'm wrong a lot of times...) but I'm seriously so excited for the 11th of september when I'll see Maia and FUCKING JAMES WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS HOLY SHIT I BET HE'S HOT!!! (i don't believe i wrote that either. i'm not even sorry...) And I'm so happy OMA I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'M ON MY PERIOD AHAH
But seriously, I'm REALYYY happy.
By the way, what do you think about the new blog theme? Black and yellow and pikachu uh? Black and yellow always reminds me of bees and wasps, wich I'm terrified of. But since the cute little pikachu music player is down there, I guess it makes it alright. And pikachu because in the end this is an 'anime blog' and Pokémon is kinda of an anime? I don't know. Can you consider Pokémon and anime? OMA I'm so dumb... Anyways, and when I was 4 years old I absolutely LOVED Pokémon. I woke up earlier to watch that shit and I used to have a Pokémon T-shirt that my mum says that I loved. So yeah. Can you imagine cute 4-years-old Lora with her curly brown hair runing around to watch Pokémon? I didn't understand shit about it, I only liked the show because of the bad guys that disaperead into the sky in a hot air balloon and then there was a sparkle. But I didn't know that Pokémons where creatures that they captured with their pokéballs and I didn't their names. So maybe I wasn't that big of a Pokémon fan. #oops But recently I've been playing it on my phone with a gameboy emulator (I'm too poor to buy a DS). That's cool. I still don't know the names of the creatures. And I'm stuck in the middle of the game. I can't win the trainer and I can't find the pokémon that I need. So, basically, I'm screwed.
Anyways, I really hope that you like the new theme. I was scared that black would be too dark, but it all turned out well, the blog looks awesome. And black is my favourite colour so, it's all okay. Also, I'm sorry that the musics on the playlist are not by order of appearance on the blog, the site put the musics on shuffle for some reason, but I'm too lazy to go and make the playlist again. So, just enjoy the music.

Song of the day: Untitled (Can't Find The Words), by Eddplant (he's a youtuber). I love his voice so much from Chameleon Circuit but for some reason I'm only listening to his music now. His voice makes me so peaceful and happy and calm and just, it's amazing. And I now about the whole 'sex scandal' that involves him, but that doesn't mean I can't like his music, does it? I like his voice. It doesn't mean I like him.

Anyways, I'm off to write the H on my wrist.

Peace out dudes!
Lorac xx

PS-I will start writing NAR (not anime related) on the titles of the blog post, if it's not anime related. I'm sorry if anime it's what you're here for, but writing my day to a 'public' slash the shadows kind of works like a therapy for me, and makes me happy and not so heavy so, yeah, bear with me.