School (nar)

Hey!

So… School huh? And Free!? I have two episodes to catch up to, but my internet is shit right now, that’s why you’re reading a post I wrote on Friday on Sunday or Saturday or whatever. But there was a storm and lightning and that ruined my internet connection because I connect to a hotspot and blah blah blah.

So, going back to the topic of school. The first week of school finished today and to say that I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, is saying very little. I could die right now. My shoulders are killing me because of the weight of all the books in my backpack and my Maths and my Portuguese (shocker, I’m from Portugal :O now you know, big deal) books still haven’t arrived yet. And I need them. Anyways. I study everyday now, I go through everything I wrote in class and all that so I don't leave everything to study on the weekend right before the day of the test. My schedule is kinda weird now. I have 50 minutes blocks of classes, and when there’s always a break between each block. So I can go and eat in the middle of Math class. Amazing!

And now we’ll get to the real shit. The classmates. We’re a total of 31, 3 more people than what the law says. We are the biggest class in the school. We’re eight girls and 23 boys. Most of them are really nice, but I’m weird, so I’m not the nicest person. They say I’m mean. And I’m totally aware that they’re just joking. But that makes me think that maybe I should just be… quiet. Don’t say a word. Just shut up. I listen a lot more than last year, I’m a lot more quieter than I was before. Simply because I know that if I say something, I’ll make a fool of myself.

And I want to be different. I don’t want to be like all of those girls you see around in the corridors wearing short shirts and skinny leggings and high heels and leather purses and their books in their hands. I wear a stupid blue and white squared backpack, full of useless stuff. I wear sweatshirts most of the time. I wear the baggiest shirts. I have a lot more black stuff than before. I listen to All Time Low and Panic! At The Disco but I don’t listen to Pierce The Veil or Black Veil Brides because I’m way too lazy to do that. I take months to watch a 25-episodes anime because I procrastinate and watch YouTube videos instead. I read a lot. I’m not a gamer, I don’t listen to screamo and punk music. I’m not mean. I just don’t like people. I don’t like being under people’s judgment. So I become this tough girl who pretends that she’s a gamer and a rebel who wants to go against the law. I’m not. I just want to stay at home and cry over the fact that Gwen Stacy is dead and Peter won’t have the love of his life anymore. I suck at badminton, but a lot of people think that I’m good because I’ve had five years of experience. Guess what? I suck at it because I’m way too lazy. My legs are way too large and my stomach is as flaccid as raw meat, which is gross.

But I want people to see me like I’m this tough girl who does all of these cool stuff. But I’m not. I really want to play games, but I won’t have time to do that. I wish I could listen to Black Veil Brides without cringing a little, but I do. I’m not up to the standards I have for me and it makes me frustrated because I feel like I don’t want to be myself because I’m afraid people won’t accept me. They will like the other girl better because she plays League Of Legends or because she listens to that type of music that nobody knows about. They won’t like me. I try to be funny but I fail miserably and end up making other people believe that I feel sorry for myself. I don’t. I couldn’t care less if they call me mean. Because I am mean. I make those sassy sarcastic remarks, I offend everyone, I am way too loud, I love anime more than gaming and I spend 90% of my computer time on YouTube. I make puns and I get a lot of crushes. I read way too many books, I am intelligent. Fucking hell, I love Maths and I weird myself out because my brain keeps thinking and thinking and it never stops and I get scared because I just need rest. And in the end I really like that class. They are nice to me. I’m not nice to them, but everyone has their own personalities. There’s this really cute and tall guy who seems to always be scared and really shy but when he opens up he’s awesome. And there’s this really short guy who loves YouTube almost as much as me and he even says the same PewDiePie references as me. And there’s these girls who are really intelligent. And everyone participates so much in class that I’m afraid that’ll I stay behind because I don’t participate because I’m afraid I’ll make a fool of myself if I get it wrong. But fuck, they do it, they get the answers wrong and I don’t think they’re losers, why would they think that of me?! And there’s a lot of not lazy guys, which is new. And they always smile if me or anyone else from the rest of the class pass by them. And we now have a facebook group, which is the shittiest but awesomest thing ever because we talk through that and make fun of each other and we talk on skype and it’s fun. And they are SO different from my old class, and I miss my old class so much. But at the same time I’m so glad I’m in this class, alone. We don’t have the stupid rumors we had in my old class. Because we’re so little girls, there’s always a boy around, and that’s different from before because we were separated in girls and me and Maia and the boys. And I like that we don’t have little groups, we are all one big united group.

In one class we had to make a little presentation of ourselves, and the teacher said to one of the guys “So, you already know one or two friends here” and he answered “I had one or two friends, but now I have thirty more” and we all ‘awed’ collectively and it was so cute. And we have our own private jokes and they make me forget all the shit about home, and about everything else.

I don’t have to be anyone else for these people to accept me, they already have within one week of me being the meanest person ever to them. Sure yeah, they call me mean, and I call them idiots. We all dislike our philosophy teacher so, we’re in this together. I have fun with them, I like them. They’re different in a good way, and I like that.

So, I’m sorry that was a little big. And not anime related, again. Get used to it!

Song of the day: Warriors, by Imagine Dragons. GUYES CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW AMAZING THIS SONG IS?! It was made for the League Of Legends World Championship, which begun Thursday I think? I don’t know, anyways, the lyrics are so argh, and I’m not even a gamer and I kinda feel the song? Maybe because I always wanted to make a videogame? I don’t know. But the song is really powerful and amazing, and you can download it for free on the LoL website FOR FREE or you can be a piece of shit and go on iTunes and pay 1,79$ for it. Your choice. But it’s my new favorite song so… yeah. Go listen to it right now!

Peace out dudes,

Lorac xx